Nightmares and children

When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. (Proverbs 3:24)

I was recently drawn into a conversation about dealing with nightmares with children.  As a newly minted children's pastor, I guess I have extra special advice on these kinds of topics.

Well, I don't.

But I was a long time sufferer of nightmares, and I have a daughter who went through a rough period too.  So I do have some experience.

I did a quick run through of my favourite blogs and authors to read their advice.  It was either absent, alarmingly demon-oriented or equally alarming, absent of God.  But what if not all nightmares are created equal?  I can't ignore evil, as I've had that child dealing with panic attacks for no apparent reason that wouldn't go away until I got on my knees and prayed for her freedom.  But I've also got the child who just has nightmares once in a while, needs a nightlight and her favourite teddy to go to sleep and can't handle watching scary TV shows (which at her age, is almost all of them!) before bed.

In peace I will lie down and sleep,    for you alone, Lord,    make me dwell in safety. (Psalm 4:8)

So here's my take on the issue:

1 - Children have very active imaginations, and the things they fear are not the same as ours.  Be wary of what they are filling their eyes and ears with throughout the day, but especially in the evenings.  Also be aware that what seems "safe" to you is scary to them.  I remember reading the Secret Garden before bed - a perfectly harmless, entertaining read - but I would go to bed terrified that my parents would die and leave me alone in a strange place as well, and had nightmares.  In my case, reading that book in the afternoon would probably have been fine.  It was the right-before-bed that created that problem.  Now, you can't avoid all things and it's important to talk issues like that out with your children if they are old enough.  (I know it sounds morbid, but knowing that my aunt and uncle would take care of me if my parents died made a big difference).  In these cases, simple things like a nightlight or a comfort toy are helpful. 

I will refuse to look at anything vile and vulgar (Psalm 101:3a)

2 - The opposite of filling your mind with scary things is not to just avoid TV or books, it's to fill your mind with beneficial things.  Memorizing Scripture (see the bottom for a post with a great list of Bible verses to help your child), doing devotions or praying before bed, listening to worship music as you sleep are all ways to fill your mind with good things.  While my attention is on Biblical truths (because they actually DO have power) sometimes even little questions like "what do you want to dream about tonight?" or "let's imagine what the most perfect vacation would be like" before bed can be helpful.

Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. (Philippians 4:8b)

3 - Attributing power to things without power is never a recipe for success.  If you want to giggle and play, pull out the monster spray and spray each other, but please don't ever use these to convince children that they are protected because of it (special blankies, dreamcatchers, stuffed animals all go into this category as well.  There's nothing wrong with play, and nothing wrong with comfort, but do not attribute them with power to save.)  Only God has that kind of power.

I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me.  He freed me from all my fears. (Psalm 34:4)

4 - While I'm not convinced that all nightmares are from the devil, it's naive to say that evil has no role in our lives.  But because I am powerless in the face of evil, can't see it or even always recognize it, I turn to the One who can, and the One who has victory over darkness anyway: Jesus.  It is so important that parents pray for their children, whether about their sleep or their character, their protection or their hearts.  Pray, pray, pray!  Pray that He will protect your child, that He will guard her thoughts and dreams, and that through His life given for her, she would walk in his freedom.

You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. (1 John 4:4)

5 - Empower your child.  She needs to know that it's not just YOUR prayers that chase away bad dreams, it's Jesus in her life, and she can pray, too.  She needs to remember when she wakes up scared that it's okay to crawl into bed with you, but singing Jesus loves me or saying her memory verse out loud is powerful too.  In the end, I want my daughter to have confidence that God is with her EVERYWHERE SHE GOES, so whether it's at home in bed, or if something happens at school or she's at a sleepover elsewhere, God is always with her, and it's HE who is mighty to save - not mom or dad.

But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you. (Psalm 56:3)

Check out this post on Bible verses that may just make the difference: http://deeptruths.com/bible-topics/nightmares-bad-dreams.html